Tara, I am sending you so much love. I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us, what a beautiful poem, my goodness. The last two stanzas brought forth those tears of love and understanding.
Thank you so much. Sorry for the delay in response. I was so happy to see you pop up in the comments, and then things got chaotic for a few days and I'm just getting back here. So appreciate your kind thoughts. It has been strange road to walk, with so much grief happening along the way so that sometimes I feel I don't have enough left here at the end. So glad this poem hit home for you. 🤗💕
I’m so sorry for your loss… but thank you for sharing your words here. I’m a first time mum to a nearly 7 month old, and I have to say, words from those who have travelled the road before me mean so much. I love your perspective on preparing your kids for the road, rather than the other way round. I’ll be saving that for myself!
Priya, welcome! And thank you so much for your kind words, and for taking the time to share them. Much appreciated. Wishing you much happiness with your little one. Enjoy all those moments, but don't fret over the passage of time. My favorite age with my kids has always been whatever one they are right now. The journey is the best part. Thanks for reading. 🙏🏻
Sending love ❤️ I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. It’s been that kind of year for us. Loved the poems. Sometimes we find those premie pajamas and wonder how did he even fit in there!
Thanks so much, Marc. So sorry for your family's losses. And, yes, isn't in it strange to look at those tiny clothes? I always had to remind myself how much hard work goes into growing up. Parenting is hard work, but so is growing a body and a brain and a heart. They are working so hard all the time. Thanks so much for reading.
Thank you so much. It's a funny feeling to have things come to a conclusion after so many years of watching her slip away. Sometimes I worry I'm not grieving the way I should, but then I remember how much grieving I've done all along the way. Looking forward to some quiet weeks in September to really check in with myself. Thanks so much for your care and support. 💕🤗
When one of my daughters was in ED treatment, her team kept telling us, “Recovery isn’t linear.” I’ve since learned that it’s a fairly common expression, but it was new to me at the time. It seems to apply to everything now, especially grief. From my outsider perspective, I suspect you are grieving in just the right way (which is to say, it might look different from everyone else’s grief). Many hugs to you and yours.
As always with your posts, I'm as moved by the essay/thoughts/prose (I never know what the correct word is?) as I am by the poem. It's only been a few months since my two oldest moved out, so this really rang true to me: "The hardest and sweetest part for me is welcoming back for a few moments or hours the child they once were, the one who needs a previous version of me for comfort or strength. And then, just as quickly, being able to make room for their grown self to reemerge and take charge. It can be a complicated dance, one I don’t always perform with perfection. But I won’t give up trying."
It must have been hard to have them move out, but also good, too, in that "it's what they're supposed to do" way. Doesn't it feel like everybody has advice on how to be a Mom right up until the moment your kids are grown. And then all you see are depictions of awful mothers-in-law and nosy, interfering moms in movies and on TV. It can feel like starting from scratch and there's so little guidance.
Oh wow. That’s so true. I do have friends whose children are out in the world, but because of my little kids, I’m more often among the slightly younger moms now. Sometimes I hear what they’re going through with their kids and I think grimly to myself, “Well, that ship has sailed [on whatever teen issue they are wrangling with their kids].” It’s not the most helpful perspective. I think I should check in a little more with my emptying-nest friends to see how they’re coping.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Tara. This is a beautiful post and poem. I was so excited when I saw your post pop up as I've missed your weekly poems. Be gentle with yourself. And a mystery is always a good read during difficult times. I just got the newest Vera mystery from Ann Cleaves.
Hi LeeAnn. Thanks so much for reading. I'm really glad to be back. I was just looking at that latest Vera book at work last week. I've never read those, so I'm going to go back to the beginning and start that series... just as soon as I read the other three mysteries I've got from the library!
Sending you condolences and hugs, Tara. 💕 And the hugs are for both the passing of your mom and for your kids going back to school. That's a lot to sort in a short period of time.
As for your poem, I enjoyed reading it when you posted it back in February and I enjoyed reading it even more the second time around. I knew what was coming and that made the poem feel even more emotion filled.
And hooray for reading what makes you feel good. That's why I've always got a stack of five books I'm reading at once. :)
Thanks, Petra. Really appreciate it. I didn't quite realize how hard it would be to follow the funeral so closely with both kids returning to school. I kind of feel like I was swept up by a big wave and then dumped in the sand. We got back at 11:00 last night after getting our daughter settled at school. I'm feeling a bit dazed this morning. But the sun is shining and it's a lovely Maine day. All will be well.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Tara. Our thoughts and condolences are with you and your family.
And this is such a special poem. Every time I read it, I find these lines particularly moving:
"it may be that their
pajamas held them
Even longer than
we did"
Thanks, Adam. Much appreciated. I'm so glad to be back here.
Two Perfect Stanzas:
When you add all
the hours they slept,
it may be that their
pajamas held them
Even longer than
we did. Perhaps
that is why I
love them so
Thank you, Kim. You're so kind. 🤗
Tara, I am sending you so much love. I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us, what a beautiful poem, my goodness. The last two stanzas brought forth those tears of love and understanding.
Thank you so much. Sorry for the delay in response. I was so happy to see you pop up in the comments, and then things got chaotic for a few days and I'm just getting back here. So appreciate your kind thoughts. It has been strange road to walk, with so much grief happening along the way so that sometimes I feel I don't have enough left here at the end. So glad this poem hit home for you. 🤗💕
I’m so sorry for your loss… but thank you for sharing your words here. I’m a first time mum to a nearly 7 month old, and I have to say, words from those who have travelled the road before me mean so much. I love your perspective on preparing your kids for the road, rather than the other way round. I’ll be saving that for myself!
Priya, welcome! And thank you so much for your kind words, and for taking the time to share them. Much appreciated. Wishing you much happiness with your little one. Enjoy all those moments, but don't fret over the passage of time. My favorite age with my kids has always been whatever one they are right now. The journey is the best part. Thanks for reading. 🙏🏻
Sending love ❤️ I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. It’s been that kind of year for us. Loved the poems. Sometimes we find those premie pajamas and wonder how did he even fit in there!
Thanks so much, Marc. So sorry for your family's losses. And, yes, isn't in it strange to look at those tiny clothes? I always had to remind myself how much hard work goes into growing up. Parenting is hard work, but so is growing a body and a brain and a heart. They are working so hard all the time. Thanks so much for reading.
Holding your daughter-self AND your mother-self close in my heart, Tara. 💛🌿
Thank you, Elizabeth. That means a lot. 🤗💕
Also: I hope you feel gently held and comforted as you grieve your mother.
Thank you so much. It's a funny feeling to have things come to a conclusion after so many years of watching her slip away. Sometimes I worry I'm not grieving the way I should, but then I remember how much grieving I've done all along the way. Looking forward to some quiet weeks in September to really check in with myself. Thanks so much for your care and support. 💕🤗
When one of my daughters was in ED treatment, her team kept telling us, “Recovery isn’t linear.” I’ve since learned that it’s a fairly common expression, but it was new to me at the time. It seems to apply to everything now, especially grief. From my outsider perspective, I suspect you are grieving in just the right way (which is to say, it might look different from everyone else’s grief). Many hugs to you and yours.
As always with your posts, I'm as moved by the essay/thoughts/prose (I never know what the correct word is?) as I am by the poem. It's only been a few months since my two oldest moved out, so this really rang true to me: "The hardest and sweetest part for me is welcoming back for a few moments or hours the child they once were, the one who needs a previous version of me for comfort or strength. And then, just as quickly, being able to make room for their grown self to reemerge and take charge. It can be a complicated dance, one I don’t always perform with perfection. But I won’t give up trying."
It must have been hard to have them move out, but also good, too, in that "it's what they're supposed to do" way. Doesn't it feel like everybody has advice on how to be a Mom right up until the moment your kids are grown. And then all you see are depictions of awful mothers-in-law and nosy, interfering moms in movies and on TV. It can feel like starting from scratch and there's so little guidance.
Oh wow. That’s so true. I do have friends whose children are out in the world, but because of my little kids, I’m more often among the slightly younger moms now. Sometimes I hear what they’re going through with their kids and I think grimly to myself, “Well, that ship has sailed [on whatever teen issue they are wrangling with their kids].” It’s not the most helpful perspective. I think I should check in a little more with my emptying-nest friends to see how they’re coping.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Tara. This is a beautiful post and poem. I was so excited when I saw your post pop up as I've missed your weekly poems. Be gentle with yourself. And a mystery is always a good read during difficult times. I just got the newest Vera mystery from Ann Cleaves.
Hi LeeAnn. Thanks so much for reading. I'm really glad to be back. I was just looking at that latest Vera book at work last week. I've never read those, so I'm going to go back to the beginning and start that series... just as soon as I read the other three mysteries I've got from the library!
Sending you condolences and hugs, Tara. 💕 And the hugs are for both the passing of your mom and for your kids going back to school. That's a lot to sort in a short period of time.
As for your poem, I enjoyed reading it when you posted it back in February and I enjoyed reading it even more the second time around. I knew what was coming and that made the poem feel even more emotion filled.
And hooray for reading what makes you feel good. That's why I've always got a stack of five books I'm reading at once. :)
Thanks, Petra. Really appreciate it. I didn't quite realize how hard it would be to follow the funeral so closely with both kids returning to school. I kind of feel like I was swept up by a big wave and then dumped in the sand. We got back at 11:00 last night after getting our daughter settled at school. I'm feeling a bit dazed this morning. But the sun is shining and it's a lovely Maine day. All will be well.
Very moving. Welcome back!
Thanks, Thomas! It's really good to be back.
What a lovely post. I especially liked the part about your children and your changing role in their lives.
Thank you, Monica. Really appreciate you being here. So glad this one spoke to you.