This section is wonderful! And thought provoking. I'm now wondering how I live in my mind.
I am also not exaggerating when I say that leaving behind style for comfort changed my life.
Sadly women's rights, bodies, time, and energy are such (consistently) pertinent topics. Thank you for adding your thoughts, poem, and voice to our collective outcry, Tara. And that quote from Amber Tamblyn is so true.
Thanks, as ever, Petra for reading and reaching out and being such a positive force here. I'm totally with you on choosing comfort over style. I was thrown for a loop when menopause created all sorts of changes - size, shape, hot flashes, sensitive skin- that dramatically changed what fits and what is comfortable. It's a strange experience that I'm still figuring out. I hope this poem helps a few people feel like they are not alone.
And yes, our ever-changing bodies. I often feel like I'm just starting to figure mine out when she likes to surprise me all over again. I'm trying to accept it. Trying. 🤨😝
I think our honest and thoughtful sharing of ideas is a great way to help others feel like they're not alone. I've definitely felt a lot less alone/weird/unique (in a good way) after reading beautiful, thought-provoking poems and posts here on Substack. So thanks for being part of that, too.
I’m mostly good with prioritizing comfort over style. But then I go to an event like my nephews wedding and am completely out of sync with everyone there and feel I’m sticking out like a sore thumb: the crazy aunt who missed the memo about appropriate evening dress for aunts. It seems like we can never fully escape the chains of clothing and fashion.
I love Eavan Boland. I read one of her collections when I was in grad school and recently read her memoir, which was so good. I really should read more of her work.
I know exactly this feeling! I really do dread the "dressy" events that crop up. It's all the issues I talk about in the poem, and then there's the whole "I grew up and have spent my life in Maine and we just don't really dress up the way the rest of the country does and I've never really learned how to put on make-up and my hair doesn't cooperate and I'd rather scrub the bathroom than wear heals" thing. Ugh. Wasn't it Emerson who said, "Distrust any enterprise the requires new clothes"? A New Englander after my own heart.
You know, I really needed it, too. With each new season I have another round of wondering what still fits. I want to not care. But I can't quite get there.
Yeah. I would love to not care. I’ve fallen off from my modest exercise routine, and my body is like, “Cool! Here’s a bunch more weight.” It’s discouraging. But I know I’ll feel better once I’m exercising again, even if I continue to gain. Argh. It’s so hard to not see my weight as a moral failing.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, Shelly. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you've found a sense of equilibrium with your clothes. That is a very good space to inhabit.
Wow! This resonated so much …this week I have been to my Ob-Gyn and seen written in my chart :perimenopausic, and have been feeling the changes for some time …I have been shopping for clothes (time and energy) for social activities related to a new job that gives me great satisfaction , the opportunity to feel that I finally have expertise and have a lot to offer; however shopping for clothes makes me regress to a state of insecurity that seems to never leave completely in spite of all my accomplishments. Your words describes so clearly what many of us go through, thanks 🙏🏼
Marla, thank you so much for reading and engaging here. I really appreciate your comment. I know exactly the feeling you're describing when shopping for clothes. It is such a hard thing to face and still maintain your sense of assurance and dignity. Congratulations on the new job and all you've accomplished. I'm cheering for you! 🤗
Thank you so much, Hanne, for reading and responding. I really appreciate it. And thanks also for your wonderful words and presence here on Substack. 💙🙏🏻
Oh, Tara, you’ve done it again: you’ve written my life. I feel every single one of your words because I’ve lived them and continue to live them. Why do we have to pray (and to whom?) to “Let it not pinch or bind”? Thank you for expressing this so beautifully.
I adored this. Finally, at 73, I’ve learned some life lessons. It doesn’t matter what other people or publications say. I am my best self now. Your commentary and poem were wonderful.
Wow. I am seriously so honored to be included in this. As usual, your essay and poem work together to create a gorgeous commentary for a wonderful poem. This bit got to me especially:
"new mothers urged to 'get their bodies back' as if they had been lost rather than gorgeously transformed". I'm out of childcare time but I could talk about this subject forever. Thank you for sharing all of this with us!!!
Thank you, Margaret. Your poem was such a perfect thing for me to read at the time you published it. I feel like I'm constantly teetering on this precarious edge. On one side I feel strong and comfortable with the current version of me. On the other I'm like, "Who is that in the mirror!? Why doesn't this fit me anymore? Why does everything feel scratchy? Is it hot in here?" And I'm just wildly frustrated with this world that expects all women to strive to look the way they did in their teens. Thank you for reading and understanding, as always. 🤗💕
Oh my goodness. I hear you. And just when I get comfortable (sort of) with one version of myself in the mirror, I go to get my haircut today and am looking at myself in the full-length mirror and honestly don’t really recognize my whole self anymore. It’s so strange (and tiring).
"Just let it not pinch or bind
but let me see myself,
be myself
when I turn to the mirror
to the window
no better, no worse than how
I live in my mind"
This section is wonderful! And thought provoking. I'm now wondering how I live in my mind.
I am also not exaggerating when I say that leaving behind style for comfort changed my life.
Sadly women's rights, bodies, time, and energy are such (consistently) pertinent topics. Thank you for adding your thoughts, poem, and voice to our collective outcry, Tara. And that quote from Amber Tamblyn is so true.
Thanks, as ever, Petra for reading and reaching out and being such a positive force here. I'm totally with you on choosing comfort over style. I was thrown for a loop when menopause created all sorts of changes - size, shape, hot flashes, sensitive skin- that dramatically changed what fits and what is comfortable. It's a strange experience that I'm still figuring out. I hope this poem helps a few people feel like they are not alone.
Thank you, Tara. 😊
And yes, our ever-changing bodies. I often feel like I'm just starting to figure mine out when she likes to surprise me all over again. I'm trying to accept it. Trying. 🤨😝
I think our honest and thoughtful sharing of ideas is a great way to help others feel like they're not alone. I've definitely felt a lot less alone/weird/unique (in a good way) after reading beautiful, thought-provoking poems and posts here on Substack. So thanks for being part of that, too.
I’m mostly good with prioritizing comfort over style. But then I go to an event like my nephews wedding and am completely out of sync with everyone there and feel I’m sticking out like a sore thumb: the crazy aunt who missed the memo about appropriate evening dress for aunts. It seems like we can never fully escape the chains of clothing and fashion.
I love Eavan Boland. I read one of her collections when I was in grad school and recently read her memoir, which was so good. I really should read more of her work.
I know exactly this feeling! I really do dread the "dressy" events that crop up. It's all the issues I talk about in the poem, and then there's the whole "I grew up and have spent my life in Maine and we just don't really dress up the way the rest of the country does and I've never really learned how to put on make-up and my hair doesn't cooperate and I'd rather scrub the bathroom than wear heals" thing. Ugh. Wasn't it Emerson who said, "Distrust any enterprise the requires new clothes"? A New Englander after my own heart.
Also, here’s a poem by another Irish poet that your poem brings to mind:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/58289/while-bleeding
Oh, my goodness, that is beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing it.
Reading this again, loving it again. Thank you for this message today--I really needed it (again).
You know, I really needed it, too. With each new season I have another round of wondering what still fits. I want to not care. But I can't quite get there.
Yeah. I would love to not care. I’ve fallen off from my modest exercise routine, and my body is like, “Cool! Here’s a bunch more weight.” It’s discouraging. But I know I’ll feel better once I’m exercising again, even if I continue to gain. Argh. It’s so hard to not see my weight as a moral failing.
I am a week behind in my Substacking, Tara, but this is, as ever, beautiful.
Wow wow. This was wonderful. Thank you 💗
Lindsey, thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment. Very much appreciated. I’m so happy this spoke to you. 🙏🏻
Poignant poem, Tara. I really love the imagery and how I can relate so much I feel it!
Honestly, I am into feeling comfortable in my clothes these days. Thanks for writing a poem like this that feels very real.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment, Shelly. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you've found a sense of equilibrium with your clothes. That is a very good space to inhabit.
Wow! This resonated so much …this week I have been to my Ob-Gyn and seen written in my chart :perimenopausic, and have been feeling the changes for some time …I have been shopping for clothes (time and energy) for social activities related to a new job that gives me great satisfaction , the opportunity to feel that I finally have expertise and have a lot to offer; however shopping for clothes makes me regress to a state of insecurity that seems to never leave completely in spite of all my accomplishments. Your words describes so clearly what many of us go through, thanks 🙏🏼
Marla, thank you so much for reading and engaging here. I really appreciate your comment. I know exactly the feeling you're describing when shopping for clothes. It is such a hard thing to face and still maintain your sense of assurance and dignity. Congratulations on the new job and all you've accomplished. I'm cheering for you! 🤗
Thank you for saying these things.
Rebecca, thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad you're here. 🙏🏻
Beautiful! I love the smatterings of assonance. All the word choice feels spot on.
Thanks so much, Mike. Always appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.🙏🏻
What a delight to find my piece mentioned in this wonderful context!
Thank you so much, Hanne, for reading and responding. I really appreciate it. And thanks also for your wonderful words and presence here on Substack. 💙🙏🏻
Oh, Tara, you’ve done it again: you’ve written my life. I feel every single one of your words because I’ve lived them and continue to live them. Why do we have to pray (and to whom?) to “Let it not pinch or bind”? Thank you for expressing this so beautifully.
Thanks, Mary. It always feels good to know something I've written has resonated with you. 🤗💕
I adored this. Finally, at 73, I’ve learned some life lessons. It doesn’t matter what other people or publications say. I am my best self now. Your commentary and poem were wonderful.
Oh, Monica, I'm so happy this connected with you and felt true. I so appreciate you being here. Thanks for reading and taking the time to engage. 🤗🙏🏻
Wow. I am seriously so honored to be included in this. As usual, your essay and poem work together to create a gorgeous commentary for a wonderful poem. This bit got to me especially:
"new mothers urged to 'get their bodies back' as if they had been lost rather than gorgeously transformed". I'm out of childcare time but I could talk about this subject forever. Thank you for sharing all of this with us!!!
Thank you, Margaret. Your poem was such a perfect thing for me to read at the time you published it. I feel like I'm constantly teetering on this precarious edge. On one side I feel strong and comfortable with the current version of me. On the other I'm like, "Who is that in the mirror!? Why doesn't this fit me anymore? Why does everything feel scratchy? Is it hot in here?" And I'm just wildly frustrated with this world that expects all women to strive to look the way they did in their teens. Thank you for reading and understanding, as always. 🤗💕
Oh my goodness. I hear you. And just when I get comfortable (sort of) with one version of myself in the mirror, I go to get my haircut today and am looking at myself in the full-length mirror and honestly don’t really recognize my whole self anymore. It’s so strange (and tiring).
I adored this. All of this - yeeeesss
Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to respond. Much appreciated.🙏🏻
Thanks, Maia. Really appreciate the feedback!